Before you all run off and assume I’m getting married or planning anything of such crazy proportions, pull up your brakes fast and furiously…Wouldn’t want to excite the rumour mills for no reason…It’s safe to say that it’s not happening for a very long time. I’m happily in a happy place.
But I was recently asked if I’d ever get married. I was rather confused. What kind of question is that? Does being divorced mean you’re meant to swear off the idea of ever getting married again? Who made up this dumb rule? I don’t owe anyone an explanation to whether I date or not; or whether I marry or not.
But to satisfy your curiosity: I love dating and I definitely cannot wait to get married again – WHEN IT EVENTUALLY HAPPENS.
While many in society clearly sees divorced women as Cinderella who’s meant to stay forever behind closed walls of the castle, we all know how Cinderella ended up…living happily ever after with her Prince Charming.
I think as a single mom, I can offer you many pearls of wisdom but also happen to be my views and my mantras that I live for:
- Nothing wrong with being divorce. If anyone looks upon you with pity, ask them if they’re happy with whom they see in the mirror.
- No one likes a grumpy divorcee. So you got divorced? Get over it. You allowed a mourning/anger period but “Cry me a freaking river” stop complaining about your sad life and horrible ex to anyone that will listen. No one cares. Have fun a bit and loosen up!
- Leave your ex alone. Move on. It’s not a competition of who can be more dramatic. I’m happily divorced. My ex and I have no interference in each other’s lives. I’m even happy if/when/should he ever move on.
- You only live once. Divorce is your second chance of finding a happily ever after…again.
- Think about your kids. They don’t need to be part of a misery they didn’t ask for.
Well while divorce has taught me a lot about being a single mom, it has also taught me a few things on marriage… Think of it as words of wisdom from a very open-minded single mom:
- Planning the wedding is fun but I’d rather want to spend the same amount of time planning your marriage.
- Marriage really does take dedication, love, commitment, work, honesty, trust, friendship, selflessness, understanding and a desire to make things work.
- Keep your relationship fresh and alive. Boring and complacent isn’t an option.
- If kids do come along, have date night at least once a week or once a month if you can. Remember before you were a parent, you were a couple.
- Keep your finances separate. Money can sometimes kill the best relationships.
- When you get mad, and trust me, you will – COMMUNICATE and don’t shout at each other. You’re not their parent. You have no reason to yell.
- Discuss your vision for your life and your future. Don’t ever stop dreaming and having ambition because you’re with someone.
- Don’t lose your identity for someone and don’t expect someone to lose their identity for you.
- Love close to family. Their support is vital especially if you have a kid.
- Never stop dating. It’s easy to get wrapped up in life. It’s a great way to remind each other why you’re together in the first place.
- Have separate hobbies. Having a life outside of your spouse will bring you closer and give you things to talk about later.
- What works today may not work in the future. You and your partner will continue to grow and mature. Remember that. Growth is good. Growing together is even better. Do not be selfish.
- Respect each other, communicate and never let outside forces come between you. Your marriage is a lifelong partnership between the two of you and no one else.
What are pearls of wisdom you’re keen to share?
Disclaimer: Again, in no way am I the Oracle on marriage. These are just views I learned along the way from my once married life.