I often get asked what is it about being a single mom I feel the most guilty about. I actually have a list of five:
#1: I always want her to know and remember, she is my #1 priority. She won’t realize it now and despite working two jobs and doing all that I have to do, she is and will always be my #1 responsibility. She is my heart, my soul and the best thing that has ever happened to me. All that I do, is all for her.
Time: I work Monday – Friday and I do parties on weekends (yes as weird as it may seem, Exquisite parties by Ulpha isn’t my full time job – as some people assume). So the time I do have with Amra which is 3-4 hours from the time I get home until bedtime during the week and every second weekend is limited; very limited. So you can imagine how precious time is for me. So don’t be offended if I don’t want to join your playgroups or feel horrid when I leave a function early because I need to spend it with my daughter. We really are all that each other has.
Privileges: I’d say I’m fairly sort after. But have I reached my goal…far from it. Don’t be offended if I choose work over spending time with you. I don’t have a two-income home for Amra. I pay my own bills and if I don’t make the extra money, there is no one else to help me, but me.
White picket fence lifestyle: Amra was too little to understand the notion that a family consists of a mom, dad, dog, cat, goldfish all living in a gorgeous house with a white picket fence. While I may not believe in it, I want her to know and realize that she is completely hopeless loved, even if the picture of a perfect family living in idealistic suburbia is a bit distorted. And if it’s in the plans for us to live like that one day, then good on us, if not, we’ll rock it just as well.
Divorce: it’s definitely and will never be her fault. If anyone tells her otherwise, they will have me to face. She is the product of love. Divorce was a choice I made to ensure we lived happier. And she will never be to blame for that.
I know my guilts may not seem very important to you, but they are important to me and believe it or not, it’s these guilts that make me wonder if i really am cutting it out to be an amazing mom to my daughter.