I see you…I see that you aren’t in pain any more… and that’s okay. You are stronger and better now, and that’s just just fine.
It’s almost 11pm and you can hear the wind outside. What you would’t give for a cigarette right now – but who are we kidding, we both know you don’t smoke.
I don’t know where our story began but to be honest, I’m glad it did – at some point you needed to get your bubble burst and face reality. Surely you weren’t planning on pretending to the world that all was rosy – that you were someone she could actually be proud of if you turned out just like them.
Living in a rosy bubble would’ve never prepared you for every fight you have faced thus far. So instead of being angry for the situation, I’m glad that instead of wallowing in misery and self doubt, you did something about it and now you are happy, stronger and truly found the inner peace you so badly longed for.
You know you were always different. But as you got older, you realised it more and more. You are strong and resilient, fair and just. You turned out exactly the way you promised yourself you would.
Slowly piece by piece, they started making you feel like you didn’t belong. For most part I think it started when they realised you weren’t dancing to their make believe tune and lifestyle anymore – the one where everyone was fine pretending to the world that all was well but you knew the truth.
She had mastered the art of pretending to love someone she didn’t really love, she had worked her magic at playing the victim just like him; she could queue the right dramatics at the right time to the right people when the situation arose. She, like him was a narcissist, she was just the perfect Bonnie to his Clyde.
He was the perfect Clyde. Like the historical character, our Clyde too came from a poor upbringing. He dreamed of a life of wealth and knew that he was never going to achieve it on his own based on his circumstances and upbringing. He dreamed of big things and with his street smarts and cunning emotional tactics, all he needed was a naive victim who even over years to come, he could manipulate with his tactless emotions.
They met by accident and she was perfect for him and his plan. She was a young wealthy widow, naive, and the typical “daddy’s little rich girl” coming from family wealth as well. All he had to do was say the right things at the right time, pretend and the rest was history.
The years went by, he lived the best life she and her family gave him. He was winning at life. But things had changed. He didn’t plan on having someone in the circle who was immune to his cunning, manipulative ways. She was figuring him out faster than he could handle. She watched as Bonnie made it clear that she felt nothing for him and he soon came to show how he felt nothing to live a life he couldn’t afford and only cared about himself; even if that meant raising his hand whenever it suited him to show he still mattered.
Oh how it was all unravelling… the boy from the streets whose greed for all things materialistic grew day by day, that he couldn’t even keep up with it; a man who happily ill-treated the golden egg that gave him his life so he could continue to show the world he had owned it all. To the world he was making it, to the bank, he owed them big time. But this isn’t their story…just yet…
This is about you… You always knew that the day would come – the day you realised and accepted that you didn’t belong. I’m not sure if for her, you were a big reminder of him, the man she buried all those years ago. He looked at you and he hated who you represented to her. As they got older and you got older, they excluded you more and more – until one day, just like she buried him, you buried her and who she was to you. You buried it all – what she meant to you and the love you had for her. Even though she is alive and kicking, you felt nothing for her. You don’t even hug her or miss her when she isn’t around. Instead, you breath this sigh of relief at your new found freedom.
No child should ever feel indifferent but you saw as you got older, how indifferent they became towards you. Every thing you did was ridiculed and still is. You had every success you’ve ever accomplished thrown into your face as a constant reminder that they didn’t think much of you. You had your graduation photos deleted because “you didn’t deserve to have it“. You even chose not to take the walk of fame again to receive your honors as you had no one else to celebrate it with you. But that’s okay, it was part of making you become the person you are today. They punished you for being the success their two golden children weren’t.
You watch as they treat you like a black sheep, gossiped and gossip about you to their own and you heard them laugh – but what none of them knew was that you were in close proximity and heard it all… something that will be etched into your brain forever… what they don’t know is that you heard how they constantly spoke about why they wished they could just ask you to leave… because you never belonged anyway… that no one ever even wanted you there…but to this day, no one could say it your face.
You protected them more than you should’ve. But in the end, you watched as you lost…every time. You watched as the mighty four came together and chose each other and left you out of their circle after all the dirty work done. You clearly didn’t learn your lesson. You didn’t belong. No matter how you tried, but I’m glad you eventually accepted it.
And that’s okay. It doesn’t make you a bad person, it makes you a person. It made you strong for the world. It made you reliant on yourself – it showed you how not to be.
Stop worrying, you are nothing like her. I promise you. You don’t judge people and think you’re better than them. You don’t live in an imaginary world where you want the world to think you are just the epitome of amazing but you’d happily throw your own flesh and blood to the wolves for the sake of your own happiness. You don’t have favorites. You love whole-heartedly. You would never throw your blood and flesh away for the sake of a man. Yes, there I said it, you threw your blood and flesh away for a man who would throw you to the wolves to save his own skin.
You both know you tolerate her but we also both know you don’t love her because love required trust and loyalty – she had none.
As you sit, staring into the Bonnie and Clyde act before you, you admire the two of them – playing up an act in the pretentious world that they live in. What utter fools if they think that everyone is stupid to what they are doing. Hiding their real lives and acting as people can’t see what they are up too. But you don’t care. You never did. They don’t matter to you. God doesn’t sleep.
And how are they now… well they can’t wait for you to leave they house so that they can go snooping around in your room. Fools if they believe your room doesn’t have cameras. They tag team when they gang up to verbally and emotionally abuse you to make themselves feel better.
Your happy marriage pains them as they never knew what happiness ever was. Convenience yes, a marriage built on lies, pretending and manipulation, yes, but happiness never. They hate having you there but love reminding you how worthless you are as a person but your money is great; they can identify all your terrible ways as a parent when they can’t even get either of their sons to graduate. And the life they lived, high end, like they were better than everyone, has come down like a deck of fallen cards on a table. Ah, some say karma, you say overdue.
While they continue to act as if they are in a world of their own, they can’t escape old age, sickness and death. I wonder if the golden two will be looking after them as they so cleanly reaped from their escapades before.
But like all crime duos, it has to come to an end. Our trusted Bonnie and Clyde duo had their final run and were eventually caught. So what are you going to do in the mean time – if I know you, I think you will just sit back, relax and watch with baited breath for their final run.
Excerpt from short fictional stories – The Bonnie and Clyde circus (title is a working progress)