So, just like all things in life filled with misconceptions, being a single mom isn’t any different. People are filled with assumptions and I’m here to clear things up a bit for you.
These are my top seven pet peeves (that i can think of):
1. We are not banks
Most people assume single parents are rolling in the dough. Are you smoking crack? No really? Are you? We don’t have money trees or ATMs that fill automatically. Our bills don’t stop when you become a single parent. They suddenly become even more realistic. We HAVE to make it work. Unlike our married counterparts, there is only 1 salary coming in. We don’t have a backup person to help us. Our expenses are pretty much the same like everyone else. And don’t assume that if the single parent moved back at home it’s easier. Don’t be in denial. Mommy and daddy will only help us so far if we’re of the lucky ones – otherwise those bills are real. So think twice before you ask a single parent for a short loan until month-end. Try something called – BUDGET!
2. Our time is not our own
If I’m at work Monday – Friday, 8:30-5, do you honestly think my brain is saying during the week, “man, I can’t wait to go out tonight…” How about no! This is my routine in the evening during the week: feed and bathe kid, kept busy by busy kid, pack school bags hopefully in that time, allow myself 10 minutes of “me time”. Being a mom isn’t something you can sign into when it suits you. It’s a 24 hour job. So rethink it the next time you suggest after work drinks.
3. Agony aunt
Again, I work Monday – Friday, occasionally I do some photography on a weekend. Now take all that chaos and add it to your body. Do you think I want to spend my weekend listening to your problems? No we don’t. I don’t like gossip either. If I want to know about someone else, there is Facebook for that. There are professionals you can also pay to be your agony aunt. Just like kids need a time-out, so do us moms. So if we do happen to spend time together, make it worth our time with fun, laughter and everything else in between.
4. Hostess with the mostess
Yeah i know, it’s not really a word but let’s explain it like this – where in the book of life did single parents ever say “i cant wait to play host this weekend and every other time after an already exhausting week…” As if a 90 hour week isn’t exhausting enough (that’s being awake from 5am – 10:30pm everyday, 5 days a week), playing hostess is really the last thing on my mind. Some people are so amazingly understanding of it, others are just like “but why not, you know you cook the best“…BULLSHIT! If you don’t feel like cooking, why would I?
5. Ah men
Men, species one of a kind. Just because we’re single moms, that doesn’t make us:
- a free meal
- agony aunts for your “terrible relationship” (said in quotes as we both know its utter BULLSHIT)
- out for a good time
- sugar mommy
- a long time trophy you failed to conquer and now sees the opportunity to do just so
We kicked one of you to the curb, doing it again will be easy. How would you feel if your mom or sister was treated the way you treat women? If you do happen to come across girls like that, that’s your luck, however for all other single independent moms, us knowing what we want doesn’t make us picky, it makes us KNOW WHAT WE WANT…Don’t blur the lines that aren’t there. Don’t confuse friendliness for flirting and vice versa. So you want our attention, do it the right way. Get to know us properly and decide if you’re keen on something so much more. We come with a kid – that’s not rocket science. We’re not looking for instant daddies for our kids but BIG UPS to those man enough to handle the entire package. Life is simple – you either know what you want or you don’t. Life isn’t 50 shades of grey. Get over yourself. If you feel you will be the best thing that ever happened to us, “pfft, aint got not time for that“.
We’re not out to steal your man. So don’t stress. Do you think we have time for drama along with everything else in between. Er, no! Also I often get “you’re look so thin” with dagger eyes. Lady, get over yourself. I’m literally running around doing everything at once. I wish I can do a timeout for just 20 minutes.
7. Parents of said single sons
While I know us single moms come with a kid and it’s not the ideal situation you’d want your son in (yes there are still some brainless Malay people who think like retards on this), us single moms, actually, us single independent girls (girls, i’m looking at all of you, still looking out for your Prince Charming) are a really good fit or your son. Our parents chose to have us enter the world with a voice, an opinion, an education and tons of charm, looks and awesomeness. We apologise that you didn’t equip your son with the notion that a day would arrive when a woman would be more financially stronger than him. That is both his and your fault. His capability of not providing for us, is a flaw you should address and not hate us for out accomplishments. The way my parents raised me to be strong and financially independent is exactly the same way i’d raise Amra.
With all said and done, that’s my Monday point of view…
Disclaimer: These points of view are in no way targeted to anyone. They’re regarded as views i often find i share with other ladies in my situation and need to be said. If you can relate, then so be it.