I think divorce life made me selfish

Dear busy over tired parent/adult…

I envy you. Yep, I said it. So it must be true. Right!! Or am I wrong? I think divorce life made me selfish.

Selfish in so many ways…

You see before I was a Mrs, it was just Amra and I. My whole world and the time we spent was only on the two of us.

When she spent every second weekend at her dad, that weekend was “me time”, spending it with friends, shopping, spas treatments, weekends away, sleeping all day, basically, it was all about me. When it was my weekend with her, it was all about her – what she wanted to do, where she had to be, etc.

Fast forward to happily married me, now with two kids and it feels like not much in my life has changed. We’re now just juggling four schedules and I still find and I’m rather fortunate to get “me time”. But then it got me thinking, has my overindulgence on the past four years of this routine made me selfish.

I’m fine not to do sleepovers. I love meet-ups but we know when they have to end. Playdates are awesome, but they have to end too – and all in all – we head home to our quiet home life.

Zunaid and I often get asked “so when you’re having another baby?” We both just grin and say “if God wants”. But we’re really in no rush. We LOVE our kids. But we LOVE our time alone too. When we don’t have the kids with us, it’s all about them – Infinity % all about them. And when they are by our ex-spouses and whether he is working or at home, our time is our time. He too tends to enjoy us alone time; and the freedom we have. A privilege, we know, not many couples have.

Usual stuff:

  • Housework – we have a live-in helper.
  • Cooking – shared with the family – perks of living in a family home – so I could once a week, on a Saturday or Sunday (if I’m up for it)

And if you’re wondering why I came to this realisation that divorce made me selfish, was that last night I was in bed (at 8pm, reading) and the realisation hit me. Divorce has made me selfish even with my time. So I decided to jot down my morning (I opted for this morning while Amra is on holiday) and see what it’s like:

My routine (now during school holidays):

6:30am – wakes up for Morning Prayer

6:35am – gets back into bed and checks my phone

7:00am – showers and takes outfit of the day to get ironed (by helper when she comes in and has her breakfast)

7:15am – heads to the kitchen for (an undisturbed) breakfast

7:30am – heads back into the room to dry my hair and do my makeup – helper brings ironed outfit into my room

7:55am – orders an Uber and checks the news while I wait, kiss Amra, remind the helper of what Amra has planned for the day and makes sure everyone in the house knows her itinerary for the day.

8:00am – leaves for work

8:30am – 8:45am – walks into work…

5pm – gets home from work, catch up on all the prayers I missed for the day. Supper with Amra (Zunaid hardly ever joins us as he works late but we have a table with the family – just like I wanted).

7:00pm – 8:00pm – Ensure Amra is bathed, and we do whatever she wants (school holidays means chilling, reading, drawing, chatting, playing games). It’s usually this time Zunaid arrives home from work. I put Amra to bed after the two of them have a quick catch up.

8:00pm – I chill with Zunaid…either we work out, we chill in the kitchen and enjoy a cup of coffee or head to bed and watch a movie…

My struggle isn’t as crazy as other parents have – and I hate to say this – I wish I could have that crazy a bit.

Now in case you’re wondering “gloating much” – it’s not that. It’s that limbo chilled out vibe that we’re in that makes me wonder if I can do the baby vibe again -the idea is great – but doing it all over again, well yeah that…. It’s that chilled out vibe that makes me wonder “judging on how much I value my alone time, I’d actually swap it any day for the crazy life some parents have”.

So trust me, while you’re envying me, I envy you. You’re Livin La Vida Loca that I want…And part of me feels, I’ve become this selfish person, engrossed in my time, and I’m so selfish not to give it up…

Anyone dealing with the same?


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