Parenting

A letter to my first born

Dearest Amra,

I’m writing you this letter as it’s long overdue.

It’s 11:20pm. I’m sitting in bed, awake and the only thing that’s going through my mind is how much our lives have changed. You see, in less than two weeks, our lives will yet again, change forever. I remember a time when it was just you and me kiddo against the world. Whatever we were faced with, we dealt with and came out stronger.

In 2017 we opened our hearts to welcome your dad and brother into our lives and you engulfed them with love and care. I didn’t think we needed more people in our team but the day I saw you fall in love with your dad (as you so loving call him), a man I fell in love with 20 years ago, was the day I realised that I didn’t know we had a missing puzzle piece and it was him. Fast forward two years later, we will get to welcome another member into our family of 4, a beautiful baby girl and I will get to watch you grow into the role of big sister – to a sister – something I was never given growing up.

I’ve watched other girls grow up with sisters – form a bond I never got to form but I got to do so with my best friends instead. I gave you the one thing I always longed for – a forever friend, someone to make memories with that will last a lifetime, someone that will be there with you through all the ups and downs in life, your partner-in-crime, your shopping buddy and so much more. I couldn’t be more excited for you to have a sister.

While I am excited for the arrival of your sister, I am sad too. A feeling I am also allowed to feel.  I realise too that it won’t just be the two of us – our superhero of two girls will now include one more.

You have taught me so much. You have taught me patience, kindness and humility. You have taught me how to appreciate what I have and enjoy my childhood again. Your character and who you are as a person, continue to amaze me every single day.

I remember the day I found out I was pregnant with you. I may not have been happily married at the time but I was over the moon to find out I was pregnant. You filled a space in my heart that had a different kind of empty. I knew that no matter what I was going through, God blessed me with you for a reason – a reason that I realised was to teach me to fight and to fight hard. God gave me you so I would realise my strength and capabilities.  God knew you were what I needed.

My pregnancy with you was easy in the beginning but as my marriage deteriorated, my pregnancy became a challenge and that’s when I knew, you were going to be anything but ordinary. At 7 months I was made redundant and in the same time, I found you gave me a heart condition. But I knew giving up for either of us wasn’t an option.

The day you were born, I looked at you and you were perfect – you are still perfect. Fast forward eight years, nothing I did, I regret.

I’ve watched you go from a baby to this confident little 8 year old. Sassy, fierce and confident – you love wholeheartedly and you are still my everything.

I see how the world has turned out but because of you, I fight so much harder. I will always protect you as that’s my job.

Your character is never one that’s meant to couped up because you are meant to accomplish your dreams and my job is to make sure it happens. I promise to always will be here for you, to encourage you, challenge you and support you always.

While I cherish the last few days we have together, your sister is so lucky to have a sister like you in her life.

I love you Fifi! Love of my life, queen of my heart!

Love, hugs and kisses,

Mommy

xoxo

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